so yes, i have been abandoning this blog a bit.

been thinking about it for a while, and decided that i should take this blog in another direction.

i want to give it a bit more depth, more questions to ponder upon. Less of the just-a-bit-of-scratch-on-the-surface happiness, rather focusing more on the inner-soul happiness.

when it comes to the questions of factors that are stopping me from reaching out to my dreams, i hesitate to find out the answers even more. Responsibility kicks into action, and i tell myself “hey, dont be such a selfish girl!”…on the other hand, i go “you’re a fool to let go”. so, can you see the dilemma?

anyhow, i’m a very lucky girl to have found happiness in other parts of my life…including food and family. my almost daily dose of coffee helps put a smile on my face. oh, and that pile of books beside my bed too!

i spent the last couple of months thinking about the directions in my life. i came to the conclusion that i’ve lost that self-confidence to fight for my dreams, of which i had since primary school! and why so? two main factors. 1. weight 2. uni

i know factor 1 might sound like rubbish to some people, but sometimes…you just have to agree with me that physical looks do help a teeny bit with self confidence. i mean, i’ve seen many people who are very comfortable with their weight and looks. i guess i’m just not one of them. i put on a total of nearly 15-20kg within 4 years thanks to those binge-when-stressed times. o__________0 mind-blowing, i know!

anyway, i started my gym regime in december ‘09 until feb ‘10 and lost a total of 5kg. i did put some weight back on (thanks to chinese new year) but now i’m back to gym-ing! so my resolution (i missed new years for this, but never too late! ) this year, will be to lose another 6kg. to the ‘healthy’ weight for my height haha. wish me luck people!

and for factor number 2, i guess those people who are in uni would understand my position. when you’re in a crowd of 30,000 students….you just stand out no more. it’s not such a bad thing, to not be in the limelight for once. helps you stay humble and all. so yeah, i’m going to look at it in a more positive way!

pray for me, people. and help me find my self-confidence back!

p/s my first bottle of Jacob’s Creek Cabernet Sauvignon (Vintage 2006) was great, why wasn’t the second bottle as great?!

I am nothing but a painter, waiting for death.