been thinking about it for a while, and decided that i should take this blog in another direction.

i want to give it a bit more depth, more questions to ponder upon. Less of the just-a-bit-of-scratch-on-the-surface happiness, rather focusing more on the inner-soul happiness.

when it comes to the questions of factors that are stopping me from reaching out to my dreams, i hesitate to find out the answers even more. Responsibility kicks into action, and i tell myself “hey, dont be such a selfish girl!”…on the other hand, i go “you’re a fool to let go”. so, can you see the dilemma?

anyhow, i’m a very lucky girl to have found happiness in other parts of my life…including food and family. my almost daily dose of coffee helps put a smile on my face. oh, and that pile of books beside my bed too!

i spent the last couple of months thinking about the directions in my life. i came to the conclusion that i’ve lost that self-confidence to fight for my dreams, of which i had since primary school! and why so? two main factors. 1. weight 2. uni

i know factor 1 might sound like rubbish to some people, but sometimes…you just have to agree with me that physical looks do help a teeny bit with self confidence. i mean, i’ve seen many people who are very comfortable with their weight and looks. i guess i’m just not one of them. i put on a total of nearly 15-20kg within 4 years thanks to those binge-when-stressed times. o__________0 mind-blowing, i know!

anyway, i started my gym regime in december ‘09 until feb ‘10 and lost a total of 5kg. i did put some weight back on (thanks to chinese new year) but now i’m back to gym-ing! so my resolution (i missed new years for this, but never too late! ) this year, will be to lose another 6kg. to the ‘healthy’ weight for my height haha. wish me luck people!

and for factor number 2, i guess those people who are in uni would understand my position. when you’re in a crowd of 30,000 students….you just stand out no more. it’s not such a bad thing, to not be in the limelight for once. helps you stay humble and all. so yeah, i’m going to look at it in a more positive way!

pray for me, people. and help me find my self-confidence back!

p/s my first bottle of Jacob’s Creek Cabernet Sauvignon (Vintage 2006) was great, why wasn’t the second bottle as great?!

Lost, but with directions. Laughing, but with sadness.

It’s absolutely confusing. I wish this would all go away, very soon.

I pray, really hard.

As I know,

After the rain, cometh the rainbow.

Sundays have been, in most of my life, the last day of the week. A day where I’m supposed to kick back and relax. A day to go out and have a hearty breakfast with the family. A day to do grocery shopping with the family. A day to watch re-runs of The Nanny!

It’s very unfortunate how everything is so very different now.

I shouldn’t say that I’m a person with adult responsibilities but most of us are on our way there. Sundays are now obviously both the last and first day of the week. As the first day of the week, Sunday is supposed to promise new beginnings but to me it’s more like a preparation day. A preparation day where I have to run through all my tutorial materials and readings and then worry about the breakfast(s)/meal(s) for the week. And now, I have additional stress from having the choice whether to go to church or not. C mentioned that going to church is not an act to proclaim one’s loyalty to church. I beg to differ (in my case anyway). It’s just a personal rant and i’m not aiming at anybody!

I think the church has been “commercialised”. Way too much that it’s getting on the pathetic edge. What’s with the whole idea that attending church on a regular basis will get you the ticket to heaven? I would like to think of the church as the place to renew your vows to God and to remind you of His glory. It is most certainly not an exclusive members-only place (which gives you members-only exclusivity thinggy like spas). Seriously, I cannot emphasize this enough. Worshipping can be done in the heart, and loyalty is an invisible thing. No one can argue about the physicality of loyalty.

X

As a university undergrad, I do not ask for much.  I only ask for a quiet surrounding. I have learnt how to block out unwanted noise with science applications. In the long run however, what i really need is a stable and quiet heart. Then I will be able to block out all the unwanted ‘noise’ from within me. If not, I will just never find peace.

I should be less angry with people around me. I should embrace them and love them for who they are. Teach them what a real human is all about, no? Teach them what politeness is. Teach them what taste is. Teach them what loyalty is. Teach them what a human touch is. Teach them what un-selfishness is. Teach them what life is. It’s not really all about self-centeredness. My goodness.

Okay, now this was a really random post. But i felt the need to write. Just because.

the calmness, before the storm.

Routines have been part of my life for a very long time, more than 19 years to be exact. It’s called r-o-u-t-i-n-e for a reason, am i right? Every day, i wake up to a brand new day and i go through my daily routines: i brush my teeth, i clean my face, i cook breakfast, i eat it, i get ready for school and the list goes on. I’ve never really stop to think about what every day really is. I never saw the value in every day. Every day was just, well, another day. Unfortunately, I overlooked the fact that some people actually wake up to wars and misery every day.

Let me just briefly quote what someone has to say about this:

“Humans should not build life only on the special occasions. We don’t live for special occasions. We should build our life on every day life. (emphasis added)”

i was stunned for a moment and the crowds around me faded. I took in a deep breath and started thinking about these wise words. Yes, I should build my life on every day life. Why have I never thought about this? Am I taking things for granted? Every day should be just as perfect as any other special occasions!

This gave me a whole new perspective. It truly is a gift sent from heaven.

Do you have people around you complaining that 24 hours a day is never enough? I have just the most right answer for it.

“Why should we complain about not having enough time to achieve what we want? THE most effective person in this world (achieving great things right now) have just the same amount of hours as you and me. 24 hours. Fullstop. (emphasis added)”

Don’t misunderstand the reason why I’m sharing these wise quotes with you. I’m not trying to change the way you look at things, I certainly will never do that. I’m, however, trying to plead you to take a look at your own life and decide what is best for it. Just stop whatever you “think” is important and spend 5 minutes reflecting on your life. Is this where you want to be, at whatever age you are?

Every day is special, God-sent really. I’m thankful for everything, are you?